Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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