My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
