It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
FUCK WHALES
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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