why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
