Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
