Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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