He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
