i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
