3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
