im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
