have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
