You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
