When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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