If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
