I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
