haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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