Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
organizing the empties. That sober.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
