We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
