Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
