Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
