Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize