Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
