lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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