Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
