i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
