Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
