I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
