I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
last night I used snow as a chaser
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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