I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
