chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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