chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
