Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize