I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
