if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
