Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
