my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Dick very happy bro
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
