Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize