my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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