Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
