I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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