Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize