That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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