if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize