so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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