I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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