Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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