Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
God, I missed his penis.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
