doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
