I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize