So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
