I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I lost the right to judge tonight
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
