We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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