the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
