I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
