How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
