It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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