He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
