i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
