Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I got inside last night via doggy door
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
