Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
