Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
