Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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