We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
