How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
