GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
