He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My sheets look like a crime scene.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I look better un-naked...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
